Unwanted loneliness in older age: why two out of three elderly people feel lonely in Spain

There is a fact that is worth keeping in mind: two out of three older adults in Spain report feeling lonely frequently. This is not an anecdotal feeling. It is the conclusion of a study conducted in La Laguna and endorsed by the Santalucía Institute's report on emotional preparation for retirement (Sánchez-Silva et al., 2024). We call this unwanted loneliness, and with increasing urgency, it is beginning to be treated as a public health issue.

What unwanted loneliness is and why it concerns us

Unwanted loneliness is not the same as being alone. There are many people who live alone and are perfectly fine. And there are many people surrounded by others who feel deeply alone. Unwanted loneliness is the discrepancy between the social life one has and the one they need. When this discrepancy becomes chronic, it begins to produce effects—on the body, the mind, and the sense of purpose in life—similar to those of smoking or high blood pressure.

In old age, unwanted loneliness stems from three distinct origins that should be examined separately, as each is addressed in a different way:

1. Relational loneliness. Friends have passed away, a partner has died, children live far away. This is the classic form of loneliness.

2. Functional loneliness. Work has ended, and active parenting is over. There is time, but a lack of space to spend it in company.

3. Existential loneliness. Deep conversation has been lost. There is coffee with the neighbor, but there is no dialogue partner for life's big questions.

Why this problem is growing in Spain

Spain is aging rapidly. Today, there are more than 10 million people over the age of 65, and this figure is projected to reach 11.4 million by 2034. At the same time, households have shrunk—one in four people over 65 lives alone, and this number grows every year. The extended family, which for centuries sustained older adults within its network, is no longer living in the same neighborhood.

To this, another less visible layer is added: the cultural divide. Public offerings for older adults have focused primarily on the physical (gymnastics, walking) and the digital (WhatsApp workshops, basic computing). However, spaces where the mind and soul are cultivated are left aside—places where people converse, think, read, and share meaning. And that space is precisely what older adults who feel lonely miss the most.

“Loneliness in maturity is often not a lack of people: it is the lack of a conversation worthy of the name.”

What has been proven to work

The literature on loneliness in older adults—both healthcare and sociological—converges on four types of interventions that consistently improve the sense of belonging:

1. Purposeful community programs

It is not enough to simply "meet up." When gatherings have a common purpose—reading a book, discussing a stage of life, preparing a cultural event—the effect on loneliness is much greater than in purely recreational groups. It is the difference between having a coffee and having a conversation.

2. Shared learning

Learning in a group—philosophy, history, art—combines two factors that combat loneliness simultaneously: cognitive stimulation (which protects mental health in maturity) and a stable social bond formed around a common interest. This is the foundation of the humanistic phases of the Thenomba journey.

3. Giving more than receiving

Volunteering, passing knowledge down to younger generations, and informal mentoring are experiences that restore the feeling of being needed. And the feeling of being needed is one of the most powerful antidotes to existential loneliness.

4. Conversation worthy of the name

Lastly, the simplest and rarest thing: having access to people—and texts—that have something to say. Great thinkers and writers have spoken for centuries about the very questions you ask yourself today. Reconnecting with that conversation, feeling part of it, is one of the most beautiful ways not to be alone.

The way forward: Thenomba Senior's approach

Thenomba Senior was born, in large part, to address this cultural loneliness. It is not an activities group or a typical course: it is a twelve-month journey that combines all four of the aforementioned elements. There are allies—philosophers, writers, historians—who initiate the conversation. There is a shared plan among NOMBA members across Spain. There are live gatherings. There is a personal notebook to keep track of your own narrative thread.

If you reached this article by searching for "loneliness in older adults," you are likely observing it closely: in yourself, in your parents, or in someone you love. The only thing we say here is that loneliness is not destiny. Conversation can be restored. And this stage of life, when viewed correctly, has its own calling: to turn longevity into shared wisdom.

Sources: Sánchez-Silva, C. et al. (2024). Report on emotional preparation for retirement. Instituto Santalucía. CienciaXplora @cienciaxplora (2014, November 24): a study proves that we experience existential crises every ten years. TecnoXplora, La Sexta.

Cover image generated with artificial intelligence.